More I know, the Less I know

Rob and his wife Jessica are some pretty good teachers to learn from. And learning from their teachings doesn't necessarily mean by just listening to them during classes, but watching how they live their lives. What I've come to learn is exactly what the title is: the more I know, the less I know.

Having been involved in a mega ministry underneath an awesome covering like Joyce Meyer... One is left to wonder what in the world could be next! I fully expected to be launched into a ministry of my own once I left the St. Louis internship. Yeah, I was suprised by what did happen. The last thing I wanted was another internship. AND DEFINITELY not one underneath a "pompous jerk" like Rob! And yet again, I was wrong and DEFINITELY suprised again!

If people never see anything else from Rob, then they will see his love. And that love is not his, but Christ's.

Last Sunday, I was waiting on God and knew He had something He wanted to tell me. So, I got quiet, stopped singing, and waited. Know what He said? "I love you." Not exactly a NEW revelation, but what WAS new, to ME, was how He said it.

God wanted me to know that He was using Rob and Jessica to love me. These two phenomenal people have been loving me, even at my most unlovely. And they are going to bat for me, even when everyone else might think I need to be left to my own resources. They are sticking around and fighting for me.

The other night, MAN!!!! Was I ever struggling!!!!!! And Rob knew that. Know what he said? He said, "I won't let you fall." And later on in an email, he told me he'd make sure that I wouldn't have to deal with injustice, regardless of whether or not my actions said that I should expect what I got, since I'm the one that screwed up and not them.

I haven't ever had this. Never.

These people love me. They see my dreams, my hopes, my heart. And they want that MORE than they want their own to be accomplished. Dear, God!!!! What did I ever do to deserve these people as my friends and counselors?

Before, when I had a dream or a hope that God put in me, my leaders and guides would encourage me and tell me that it was a GREAT idea. But they left it at that. Why did they have to get involved any further? Was there any point or reason to? And forget standing by me when things became rough!!!!!! They turned against me and would side with anyone BUT me.

And now, I have this incredible gift of leadership to guide me and sometimes CARRY ME. God, I honestly don't deserve this.

I DESERVE to have the wolves come after me and devour me. Yet, You see so differently. Not only do You set before me these awesome examples, but You give them a heart to see me lifted up, encouraged, bandaged, and loved.... How can this be?

Countless times have I messed up even since I joined this program. And countless times, Rob or Jess have taken me aside, kicked my butt gently, and then hugged me and told me that I'd get better. And that they loved me.

I am not worthy of such a gift, God. Not even close.

God, PLEASE bless these people and their family. They'd give their lives for You and Your children. I don't ask You to bless them just because of what they've done for me, but because they TRULY have Your heart about this, Your plan. Honor their obedience to Your will. Grant them favor with those in control of worldy power and money. Bless them with things and by measures that they have yet to see. Their hearts are true, after Your own.