The GREAT Disappointment

Guys, I suck.

I've been such a disappointment for pretty much my entire life. And I don't measure up to anyone's standards.

Please, don't think this is one of those "woe is me" blogs I'm infamous for. No, this is just stating the facts. I DON'T MEASURE UP!

In dealing with life, MY life, I haven't been dealing with the present, but the past. I CAN'T seem to deal with the present, let alone the future, until I've confronted who I used to be and what I've been. And there's where I don't measure up.

Sarah said last night that I have to be ready in season and out. Yes, that applies to the COMING OF OUR LORD... But it also applies, contemporarily, to dealing with our lives and living them out in the present, not the past. BUT, OH GOD!

How does someone deal with the present, and the people in it, when the past seems to have a strangle hold on them? What do I have to do in order to get the hold RELEASED?

The past says that I fail everytime I try to help someone, that I can't commit to them.
The past says that I disappoint everyone counting on me.
The past says I've let people down and have discouraged their faith... Even to the point of losing it.
The past says I'll never succeed.....
And so does my father.

I buy into the lies. BUY! And hold onto them. And hold them up as a mirror for what I see in me now.

AM I that person? AM I that failure? And if so, WHY IN GOD'S NAME would He want me? Especially if I keep failing. And failing.... AND FAILING!