Must Blog, Must Write

I've been scanning the blogs on here. Yeah, I know everyone has gone over to Xanga now. Oh, well. I have, too, but the site is down now. Check me out when you get a chance. www.xanga.com/arae_23 So, for all you faithful Bloggers, here's my heart for today and for the past few days.

"All my triumphs I count but loss.
All my failure I leave behind.
I have one vision Your rugged Cross.
I have one misison to come and die.

I have one banner Your endless love.
I have one passion to see Your face.
And I've one banner Your kingdom come.
I've one obsession to sit and gaze.

And I will be a fragrant burning.
I'll wash Your feet with my tears.
My love will be a poured out offering to You.

Nothing compares to You."


This is an awesome song by Derek Loux, a new singer out. His music is moving, people. And that's big praise coming from me. I don't get into this whole emotional trend of music out now in Christian praise and worship but Derek's is for God, you just know it.

Anyway, the last blog I made before the big announcement:) , was about me being the big disappointment. And I've proven this point quite a few times in the last couple of months, let me tell ya. But the grace is still there, my Father's grace.

You know something? Being a disciple is a lot harder than I gave it credit to be on the disciplers, the teachers and spiritual parents. They don't know how to father us like our Father does... Because they aren't Him. Not their fault, mind you, since they are only made in the IMAGE of God. Still...

"Not many should want to be teachers..." There is a VERY good reason why not! Spiritual parents have to be both teacher and pastor to the disciples God gave them. They have to teach the child, disciple, the way in which they should go and trust and WAIT for them to return to it. AND love them with their WHOLE hearts along the way.

Children, disciples, hurt their parents so very much in this process even though it's commonly thought that the growing pains are harder on the children. Not true, I think. The parents have to watch their children make their choices, sometimes even the wrong choices, and have to support them.... AND be open to the hurt it causes themselves, these poor parents.

Just think! I'M going to be a parent someday!!!!! Dear God... Make me stronger than I am now 'cause I know I probably would not finish it as gracefully as my parents, both physical and spiritual, have.

To Rob and Jessica:
Thank you.

To Mom and Dad:
You deserve an eternity of vacation for the job you've done with me!



I'm leaving now. It's time. My decision, my choice, has been made. Stewart and I will be married this Thursday afternoon. I'll be leaving for Scotland the following Wednesday. Fast, yes. And set, yes. I'm ready, God. Here am I, send me to do Your will in this new place. Send me to be a mom to some young child of Yours. I know I'm not ready and honestly never would be. I pray, though, that the lessons You've taught me through both sets of parents WILL NOT leave me and that I will love as they have loved.

Amen.